Thursday, June 02, 2005
you #1:
so you want respect. so you wanna "do the best thing".
but have you ever wondered, perhaps, that it is downright insensitive to get all huffy because you freaking misinterpreted what some poor soul is trying to tell you?
is it my fault that you don't understand SIMPLE ENGLISH? my fault that you're so petty, so incapable of expressing yourself through TALKING and not yelling?
i'm not trying to go against you, can't you see that? how am i supposed to know that these miniscule minute MIDGET things bother you? esp when you don't have the basic courtesy to EXPLAIN that they bother you.
i'll bet you still haven't figured out the impact that you have on the both of us. that with one small incident, you can ruin our entire mood? i know i am bothered by it. i am bothered when you're angry with me, when youre displeased, when i let you down. in fact, it makes me damn unhappy. because honestly, i do respect you and i don't like making you upset.
do you know why? it's because i know that you genuinely care. but you get carried away sometimes, don't think, don't put yourself in my shoes. you expect me to take a "no" as a "no" and not to question reasons behind it. well i'm not a kid anymore- i WANT TO KNOW why. don't you think i'm mature enough to appreciate some explanation? i know that i'd have an easier time accepting things. that we won't disagree so much. that everyone would be happier. is it so hard, or do you just not care?
you #2:
so. taken up a hobby as spreading a little irritation in my life everyday eh. i don't know what to think of you. you appear to have a caring heart, but somehow that just gets swallowed up in all the other insensitive things that you do. and you contradict yourself- i don't even know if i can trust you sometimes. it is gonna take alot to bring us closer together, and even so.. i just don't know. yet i know that you would willingly step in between me and some deranged gunman and like.. i dunno.. kill him first. or take the bullet or whatever. you know, the word that best describes you in my eyes at the moment is "cantankerous".
and btw, STOP TRYING TO PLAN MY FREAKING FUTURE FOR ME. that is purely up to God to decide, not YOU, and you should know that, you should know that damn well. and what if i'm not willing to do what it is that you want me to do? just stopit. let me decide for once, let God do the talking.
i don't want to be a classical pianist, i don't want to teach flute to bratty little kids. honestly, i love music and i love playing the piano and really, i don't know how i lived the first 10 years of my life without fluting, but I DON'T WANT TO TEACH IT. I DON'T WANT TO BE A WEIRD GENIUS SOLOIST OR SOMETHING. are you trying to like live through me? i know you didn't have the opportunity, and when you did, you did not seize it, but still. this is MY LIFE. there is only so much you can do to mess around in it. and stop poking your nose into all my stuff it's annoying.
you #3:
i don't know about you. i don't even know if i trust you 100% of the time.
let me tell you, that i hate people who snap at me without rhyme or reason, it not only makes me upset, but i get really pissed because muriel ruth manning is NOT a punchbag. because i treasure friendships with people, it takes alot for me to trust someone, though it may not seem like that. this is why i don't like being in big groups with people i don't know. not because i'm shy or something, but becuase i have absolutely no desire to know them. and i don't want them to know me. which is no loss actually, youre better off not knowing me because really, i can be an evil friend and i can be judgemental and insensitive too.
youre a really nice girl and everything, but you're just so. FLIGHTY. gahh.
i want to vanish. live in some sub-world thing where me, God and alphabet soup co-exist. and when all the troubles are resolved, i'll consider dropping by earth once again, spreading cheer, goodwill and cynicism to the 360 degrees of this once-perfect-but-now-screwed-up-by-all-of-us planet.