Thursday, November 16, 2006
as of this moment, i am school-less. seriously, if someone asked me where am i studying now, i'd be like "uhm. uhmmm". thank God mgs is more than just a name, and it's given me so much more than -ahem- good grades. (or lack thereof)
before chem crystal said she was actually feeling sad, coz it was our last paper. at the time of course i went "are you MAD!?" but then. i think i really understand what crys meant. i mean... after we were dismissed i was watching all the b4 girls leaving, and they were all whooping with joy and everything. i was waiting for the feeling of euphoria to wash over me too, but after awhile i realised it wasn't really going to come.
leaving mg is bittersweet. it's nice to know that i've survived secondary school (1/4 of my 16 years on earth!) but at the same time it's so hard to acknowledge that it's over. naturally i've experienced those stressful sleepless nights, the getting sent out of class, failing tests, failing exams, failing to be a real true-blue witness to God during this time. BUT. there is always a good side to it. sometimes bad experiences make you stronger, and sometimes they just prove time and again how lovely your friends are, for being there all the time. it's been that way for me.
all the memories i've had in mg, the place which truly felt like a second home, sometimes even more home than home felt, i know they'll stay with me forever. although i wish i could continue to BE EDUCATED (groans) in such an atmosphere, i guess it's time to move on. it's so scary to leave such a loving place, to move on to bigger, better (?) things. and to know that hey, these times are NEVER going to be repeated.
i guess i was thinking about all these things after chem, which stopped me from feeling the rush of jubilation which the end of exams usually brings. in sec 2 (or was it 3? or maybe BOTH) eliza did a cartwheel after MEP to let out her end-of-exams burst of joy. i wish i could feel that way now, instead of reluctantly dragging my feet away. i wish i could look forward to continuing my journey in life, but yet i can't help but think back, and wish i had treasured my time more. oh gosh, i haven't even LEFT officially yet and i miss it all already!
even the little things, like how we got held back after chem because MELODY BROKE A BURETTE AND HAD TO PAY MAGSIM 22 DOLLARS "OR ELSE...".
things are going to change after this. definitely! people change, friendships change, memories change. one day denise might dress in baggy trousers and a voluminous tattered shirt, with a cap on backwards, going YOYO, WAZZUP BRO, I'M DENISO! (or maybe not) well not that i would cry or anything, it'd be quite a laugh actually, but I'M TRYING TO ILLUSTRATE A POINT. i'm worried. what if things change so much that i forget? what if somehow we all lose touch? what if jc sucks, and i REALLY roll down a hill, like i dreamed i would?
sigh.
crystal's sanest phrase of the day occured while i was rummaging through dee's utensil drawer: "i wish our mind was like a camera, then we can record all the memories". in a way, i guess it is. so much of me is made of what's happened in these past 4 years. i can never forget some things, like how in sec 1 grace went around with me looking for mrs chen, and then tried to persuade her to give me my 1 mark so i could pass math. so i guess i'll sometimes think back to "the mg days", and remember. but then, i'm sure i'll forget some things, and i really don't want to forget anything at all!
well i guess i'll just have to be satisfied with relying on my memory and the few photos if have, to try to capture time, to try to trap the moment and its emotions, and maybe attempt to relive it in my mind. oh i don't really know what i'm getting at here! too many random tangents, too tired a mind to sort it out into neat paragraphs with one topic sentence each.
what i'm getting at is this: i love mg and i already miss it. i really really really don't want to leave)O:
eliza sarah nureen crystal charmaine zai tessa kelly grace nana cheryl ming april zhiwei denise yvonne, you guys are the ones who've made the time in mg worthwhile. i love you!
to b3, i love you guys also! i'm sorry i made such a mess in my corner of the classroom/: