Saturday, November 29, 2008
okay. so much has happened since the last time i blogged, the most recent significant event being the choir farewell tonight, and me unwittingly wearing my reindeer hairband back home on the bus. alone. i got off the bus and my dad was like EH. and i felt sooooo stupid):
i take much comfort in the knowledge that these poor people will never meet me again. i hope.
anyway, you know that saying by saint Francis that people always tack to their walls, or is printed on magnets? "Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference." well, until now i've always thought it a cliche, a staple in almost every Christian household. i think it does has much meaning though, mostly recognized from the glorious days of a levels.
i came to realise that papers past are indeed just that- over, finished, done with. so fretting over lousily done essays and careless mistakes truly doesn't help, especially if it hinders your performance for your next paper in any way. not that it was easy to let go of it; i'm one of those people to whom these things actually matter greatly, and bother me for ages after. in any case, i'm learning to move along, difficult though it may be to draw the difference between simple AIYOSOWASTEDness and useless dwelling on the past. and i'm not just talking about a's here, i'm talking about all kinds of regrets.
but before i actually do that, i must rant abit, and declare that A LEVELS WAS A HUGEASS BLEHH. i've never felt so uncertain about any paper EVER. and i've never believed in miracles and bell curves as i have come to. i swear my life is littered with REGRETS AND WASTED OPPORTUNITIES. let us recount the top five:
1. not wearing my retainer.
2. not wearing my back thing when i had that back problem in sec 1/2.
3. NOT STUDYING VERY HARD FOR A'S.
4. not appreciating my popo before she had her stroke.
5. not believing my parents when they told me i would need glasses if i read in the dark. because i so do.
okay. i think this lesson of living without regrets, and with full awareness of the things that need to be done, and subsequently actually doing them, is one that has yet to be drilled in. time and time again shit has happened and it works for awhile. i do have sporadic bursts of conscientiousness, but they never last. and hence this is the part where i need to make a difference, to change. i need to get over this whole problem! asap! ):
the other problem, is probably that i'm too trusting and that is not working out for me. but whatever the case, i am very tired and i have rehearsal at 9 am (that is still kind of night time okay.) and i have yet to mark stuff in my scores! aejirlaelfadjalkl. goodnight world! i'll be back soon.